Healing
by klutzysunshine
Summary: After the events of San Juan, Ward and Kara develop a friendship and help each other heal from the abuse they both suffered.


**I don't own Agents of SHIELD nor will I ever. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

Once Agent 33 patched Ward up, he thanked her for her help. "You're welcome?" She was unsure of herself and what to do next and he didn't blame her because he felt the same way.

"We'll figure out who you are once I'm feeling up to it and then try to help," Ward promised. He was in too much pain but he wasn't willing to get morphine or any other pain medications because he needed to stay alert. "Do you remember your name?"

She shook her head. "No." She could barely remember anything of her old life, something that deeply upset her. Who was she? What could she do now that Whitehall was gone?

He awkwardly patted her shoulder. "It's okay - we'll figure it out because I'm sure we can find your old files somewhere."

"Thank you."

"Thanks for helping me." Ward still didn't understand why she had - he didn't deserve to be saved - but he was grateful to her. And even though he knew he should be angry at Skye and blame her, he didn't. He had kidnapped her (again) after all so that was that. Now they were even (he thought but Ward was in too much pain to think straight).

Agent 33 shrugged. "What are we supposed to do next?"

"We keep moving but right now I'm going to pass out," Ward mumbled before his eyes drooped and he slipped into unconsciousness.

She worriedly hovered over him for about two minutes, afraid that he was going to die and leave her here alone, but it seemed his injuries had only taken hold after the adrenaline finally wore off.

The next morning, Ward pushed himself up and told her to start packing. "But you're still injured," she pointed out.

"I've been through worse and it's time to go. I'll be fine." He stifled a groan getting out of the bed, ignoring 33's watchful gaze, and rushed them out of there as quickly as possible.

The two of them didn't stop for hours and that was only because 33 forced him to. "You can't push yourself like this," she gently chided.

Ward didn't want her to worry about him - 33 needed to worry about herself now instead of other people - so he just brushed off her concerns. "This is what I do to get the job done. It always works."

"The man who went completely insane?" 33 guessed. She had a feeling there was a lot more to this story but she didn't dare question him.

"Yeah," he simply replied, leaving it at that. He didn't want to get into John Garrett right now so he halted the conversation in its tracks, hoping she'd leave it go.

And that was the last they talked about John Garrett for weeks.

* * *

Two weeks later, after they checked into the files Natasha Romanoff leaked onto the Internet, they discovered Agent 33 was actually Kara Lynn Palamas. "I have a name." Kara seemed delighted about that fact and beamed, actually ignoring for once that she didn't have her own face back.

"Yes, you do. You like it? You can always change it."

She shook her head. "No, I'm Kara. It fits me. Agent Kara Lynn Palamas. I don't have to be defined by a number anymore." She kept testing the name out by saying it out loud repeatedly in various ways. Kara then looked up at Ward. "Thank you, Grant."

"You're welcome, Kara." Ward felt an ache in his chest unrelated to the fact that at least Kara knew who she was - at least namewise - already. He had no fucking clue who he was and hated himself (not that that was new) for it.

Kara knew she shouldn't but felt guilty anyway for celebrating when he was clinging to trying to make things right even though he believed there was no way out of this mess he had created all on his own (she had a nagging feeling there was more to the story but Ward still wasn't sharing). "Now let's go take down some Hydra jackasses!"

Ward snorted. "Least we can do." He was determined to help the team as much as possible, even from afar. He knew he could never be forgiven (he was weak and worthless and a monster, after all, and they rightfully hated him) but he needed to right his wrongs as much as possible.

The Hydra goons were caught off guard by the appearance of two strangers - and their four guns - and went down quickly. Afterwards, Ward uploaded all the information the facility had and sent it off to Skye.

Kara pursed her lips once they got back in the car and started heading towards a new destination. "So, you don't talk much about Skye," she hedged.

He looked at her through the corner of his eye and shrugged. "I love her - still - but she hates me and I deserve it because I betrayed them. I'm respecting her wishes." Ward missed her (and the others) a lot but he could deal with that, just like he always had.

"Are you ready to talk about John Garrett yet?" she pushed.

"When you're ready to talk about Whitehall, I'll talk about Garrett." He understood she was traumatized by the brainwashing and still trying to break free from it so Ward didn't push her. He'd wait until she was ready.

"Fine."

"Fine," he responded petulantly.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes as the car continued to travel down the interstate.

* * *

A few days passed before Kara finally broke and said something. "Whitehall hit me once for no reason," she quietly admitted.

Ward saw red. "He shouldn't have hurt you, Kara." He slammed his fist down on the table and she just stared at him.

"He's dead now so he can't hurt me - or anyone else anymore - she reminded him. She hated looking in the mirror and seeing Melinda May every day. She wanted her real face back but she didn't know how that was possible. She was stuck like this and that made her rage, and Kara desperately wanted to punch something too.

"Hydra is going down and we'll be right there to watch it burn."

Kara side-eyed him. "Like you burned your family?"

He sat down on his bed and exhaled. "Yeah, about that…"

"What?"

"I just faked their deaths as a way in to infiltrate Hydra. They're in one of my safe houses and keep moving every two weeks. I hate them but I want them to suffer for what they did to me." And Christian (they had come to an understanding after their 'talk' at the well) and Rose too but he didn't mention that. He wondered what Thomas and Rose were up to, but quickly put that thought in the back of his mind. His younger brother and sister wouldn't want anything to do with him and he couldn't ever go back to them (or the team). Ward had burned too many bridges and his fuck ups were unfixable. It hurt but he had to accept the painful truth.

"So, you're just going to let the team believe that you murdered your brother and parents?" Kara had a feeling that if they knew the truth, they might accept him back but she couldn't get Ward's hopes up so she didn't say anything.

He shrugged. "They didn't believe me about what they did - no one ever did, really, because they either didn't notice or care, and my parents paid off the others who guessed. It is what it is."

"That is fucking horrifying, Grant!" What the fuck. How could he just accept no one ever believing him like that and pretend like he was okay? Like he was just resigned to the hell that had been his childhood. Kara could tell that he wasn't in the right frame of mind and it scared the shit out of her because he desperately needed some help.

He surveyed her for a minute or so and then stood up. "We should probably head out now."

"Grant!" she called but Ward ignored her.

Kara definitely was not going to let this go and she'd annoy him about it until he broke (Ward was already broken but she was determined to get through to him and see that he didn't have to be).

* * *

She bugged him intermediately for the next week and a half but Ward shut down and stopped talking to her unless it was about 'work' so she stopped and decided to wait until he was ready to tell her. Kara was tossing and turning in the uncomfortable hotel bed when he shook her awake at three in the morning. "What is it?" she whined as her eyes opened.

Ward stuttered for a few seconds before stopping and starting again. "John found me in juvy when I was fifteen."

Kara blinked at him. "Why were you in juvy?"

"I tried to burn the house down with Christian inside and got caught."

"Okay then. Want to tell me why?" She didn't want to push her luck, though, so she waited for him to speak.

"Rose called me, upset and crying, and it took me a while to get the story out of her. I don't want to talk about it." His hands shook with nerves and he tried to calm down but found he couldn't.

She took Ward's hand in hers and squeezed it. "And he found you and then what?"

"He dumped me in the woods for five years with only a dog."

Kara's mouth dropped open as her eyes widened. "What the fuck, Grant." There was so much to get into here she didn't know where to start. Like the fact that Garrett had kidnapped him and there was a whole lot of manipulation involved in this whole mess.

Ward jumped up. "You know what? I can't do this. I'm sorry, Kara." And then he fled to the bathroom, feeling nauseated. He didn't understand why either.

She left him to deal with his issues privately as she struggled to come to terms with what he had just revealed. More bombs were about to be dropped on Kara and she knew it in her heart but she would let Ward come to her when he was ready. She wouldn't push him again since it hadn't worked.

They both had nightmares once Ward pulled himself together enough to come out of the bathroom.

* * *

Three days later, Kara confessed to Ward how terrified she was that Hydra would brainwash her again and make her murder innocents. "It keeps me up at night and I don't know how to stop feeling this way, Grant."

While Ward hated being touched, he hugged her anyway for a brief few seconds. "I will never let that happen to you, Kara." He didn't tell her he would keep her safe because he just knew he was going to let her down just like he let everyone else down. That was one thing he was good at.

She didn't hug him back - she knew how he flinched every time someone touched him, probably the result of his childhood house - but Kara did thank him.

She slept better that night that she had in months, although she still felt like a fraud with Melinda May's face on her. She needed it off.

* * *

Ward woke up screaming because of nightmares just hours later. She nudged him until he woke with fear in his ears, his heart beating a mile a minute. "Please stop," he begged.

"Nobody's doing anything to you, Grant."

He wiped his wet eyes and got out of the bed. "I'm fine," he told Kara when she wouldn't leave his side. He felt smothered and like the flames were going to burn him alive.

"No, you're not. You want to tell me what it was about?" she pressed.

"Just the first mission I fucked up. It wasn't the last either but I always tried to make sure they went according to plan."

"Why?"

"So John wouldn't have to teach me a lesson."

She froze, horrified. "Teach you a lesson?" Kara hoped he wasn't saying what she thought he was saying but she had suspected something like this for a while now. She just needed to be proven wrong and then she wouldn't have to worry anymore.

"Beat me," Ward answered, staring at the floor so he wouldn't have to look at her face.

Kara choked on a sob and brought a shaking hand to her mouth in hopes she could quell the sudden nausea. "How long did he do this?"

"The entire time I was with him," Ward answered honestly.

She struggled to find a way to approach this tactfully and finally just gave up. "Grant, what your family did to you was abuse. John Garrett was abusive too."

"No, he wasn't," he denied. He had always deserved the beatings (and he shivered at the thought of the thing he wasn't ever supposed to mention because no one could know).

Kara forced him to look in her eyes. "Grant, he kidnapped you, left you in the woods to survive, and then beat you. That's abuse."

The realization floored him and he sunk to the floor as the memories replayed in his mind. "But he said I was playing the victim."

She scoffed angrily. "You _are_ the victim, Grant. He is a worthless piece of shit and I'm glad John Garrett is dead."

Kara held him all night as Ward struggled to come to terms with his epiphany.

* * *

Less than forty-eight hours after that, they were in Maryland trying to take down yet another Hydra base when they came face to face with Mike Peterson. "What happened to May?" Mike asked after doing a double take.

Ward shook his head, his mind still reeling from the realization John abused him, as he struggled to get him head back into the game. "This is Kara Lynn Palamas. Kara, this is Mike Peterson. She got stuck as May after Hydra brainwashed her," he explained.

"Ah." Mike wasn't surprised that Hydra could do something like this.

"So what are you here for?" Ward questioned.

"I got jumped by two guys trying to take me back to headquarters a few days ago and I finally caught up to them this afternoon."

"You could join us," Kara offered.

And that's how Mike joined Kara and Ward in their efforts to bring down the evil organization.

* * *

Privy to some of Ward and Garrett's less than stellar moments after Hydra first rose, Mike was not surprised when the former specialist felt safe enough to tell him his recent discovery. "We were pretty much in the same boat, man. I'm glad you finally came to your senses, but dude, you need some help from a therapist or something. You're tail spinning."

Thrilled someone was on her side in regards to Ward, Kara could only thank him. "You have no idea how long I've been telling him that but he's stubborn and refuses to listen. Maybe he will this time."

"I can hear you, you know!" Ward called from the bathroom.

"Good! I'm glad!" Kara shot back.

"Then somebody needs to tell Mike that he should go see Ace because I'm sure the kid misses his dad," Ward murmured once he came out.

"So how long are you going to look like that?" Mike questioned Kara.

"Hopefully not for long. I want to be myself again," she admitted.

"We'll figure it out," Ward assured her.

If he had to go crawling back to the team to get FitzSimmons to help Kara, he would. She deserved to be herself again.

The three of them were eating lunch at a diner somewhere in San Francisco when Akela Amador walked in. "So what is this, the island of misfit toys?" she snarked after sitting down and hearing an abbreviated history of their time together.

"What?" Ward stared at her in confusion.

"Okay, we're going to have to watch Rudolph at some point," Kara decided.

"I cannot believe he hasn't seen it." Mike shrugged and then went back to eating pancakes.

"You can join us if you want. You don't have to be alone," Ward softly informed Akela. What was one more person? Plus, she could help.

Akela liked working alone but they had taken down several Hydra bases already. "I'm in."

"Then welcome to our exclusive club of people fucked over by Hydra." Kara laughed and then took a bite of her burger.

And together, the quartet was unstoppable against Hydra.

* * *

When Ward contacted Jemma, he had no idea if she'd go through with her plan to kill him but it'd be worth it just to get Kara some help. "I can't turn down a victim, Ward. You should have contacted me sooner," she chided.

"Well, I wanted to wait until she was ready and said something." He didn't want to force Kara to do anything she didn't want to.

"We'll be there soon so don't freak out."

"How soon?" she questioned suspiciously.

"In two hours!" Akela shouted.

Jemma paused. "Was that Akela Amador?"

"Yeah."

"Okay…" She honestly didn't know what to say to that. And after they hung up, she went to Fitz to see what they could come up with to give Kara Lynn Palamas her face back.

"So how do you think they'll react when they see us?" Mike looked forward to it.

"Hopefully without any guns," Kara chimed in.

"You're all freaking Ward out so stop," Akela hissed when Ward started to nervously tap the steering wheel.

"Why did I get stuck in the back again?" Mike wondered.

"Because I called shotgun and I'm Grant's favorites." Kara smiled innocently and batted her eyes when Mike glared at her.

"Pretty sure Ward's favorite is Skye but you're pretty high on the list," he finally responded about ten minutes later.

Kara went to scold him then realized he had a point and shrugged. "This is true."

She breathed in deeply when they finally pulled up to the Playground a while later (after stopping to eat because they had some pretty big appetites and loved to complain). "You ready for this?" Ward gently asked.

Kara bit her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I think I am."

Coulson greeted them at the doors (with one of the Koenigs) and was stunned into silence upon seeing the whole group.

"I'm going to eat," Akela decided.

"We just fucking ate!" Mike shot back.

"You know my appetite so no hating, Peterson."

Kara and Ward followed Coulson to the labs, where Jemma was waiting for them. "The procedure Fitz and I came up with is relatively simple but I want to put you under for it," she explained, nervously eying Ward.

He stared right back at her, hoping he'd be able to apologize soon (the others had drilled it into him that he needed to even though he still felt like he didn't deserve forgiveness). "And you'll be right back to yourself, Kara." Would she realize how much of a fuck up he was now that she was with the team? Ward wouldn't blame her. He'd probably be on his own again after this and that sent a jolt of pain through him that he ignored.

"Will you be there when I wake up?" Kara needed her best friend by her side.

That startled him but he tried to pretend like she hadn't thrown him for a loop. "Of course."

And that's exactly what happened - Ward was right by Kara's side when she awakened thirteen and a half hours later. She requested a mirror and burst into tears the instant she saw she had her own face back. "Thank you," Kara sobbed to Jemma.

"You're welcome. I'm just glad I could help and that there'll be minimal scarring." Jemma backed away to give the two of them some privacy.

Coming to Jemma had been one of Ward's better decisions once he was on his own and it kickstarted the process to returning to the team and trying to wipe the red from his ledger.

Kara and Ward still had a long way to go but they had helped each other heal a little. Neither would ever forget that.


End file.
